“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world doesn’t know, and often we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
Depression is the most common and serious mental disorder. People experiencing depression remain persistent, sad, hopeless, and have a lack of interest in everyday life activities. It’s more than a feeling; instead, it causes physical and emotional distress. It can happen to anyone, anytime. Fortunately, it can be treated, which involves medications, therapies, and self-help strategies. However, acknowledging that people sometimes don’t mean to hurt, but their words can unintentionally cause harm instead of good.
This article provides insights into what to avoid saying while talking to someone you care about.
What to Avoid while talking to someone who is Depressed?
Individuals struggling with mental health conditions don’t open up in front of everyone. If they share about being depressed, you should know what to avoid while talking to them.
Here are 18 checklists:
1. I know how you feel
Depression manifests differently from person to person; if you are going through depression, you don’t exactly know how the other person feels. You might be saying this with good intentions, but comparing your experience of depression can make the feelings of others dismissive.
Instead, say: I am here to help you.
2. Be strong, don’t be so weak
Making these kinds of comments doesn’t make them strong, even if it makes them weaker. Most of the people say this line to boys, “real men don’t cry”, stay strong, you can deal with everything. However, living with a mental condition is not about being strong or not.
Instead, say: Depression won’t go on its own; it requires professional treatment.
3. Cheer up & smile more
Saying this can be a friendly response from your side, but it might make them feel upset or frustrated.
Individuals who are already going through depression feel ashamed that they can’t make their way out of depression. It makes the other person feel like they are the failures and they can’t get over their condition.
Instead, say: Your feelings might be hard to deal with right now, but they won’t last forever.
4. Don’t tell them to be more grateful
Many individuals blame the person who is in depression, by saying they are not thankful for the life they are living. Depression doesn’t care about a person’s life circumstances. It makes the individual more guilty and causes extreme distress and hopelessness. It makes them think that whatever they are experiencing is not real, which eventually serves as a barrier to asking for professional support.
Instead, say: I am sorry you’re going through this.
5. Don’t tell them to try harder
Depression occurs due to changes in brain chemicals, and it can be treated with a combination of medications and therapies. As individuals with diabetes get proper treatment to overcome it, individuals with depression also need treatment; it won’t go on its own. So, avoid asking them to try hard; they are already trying their best to overcome it.
Instead, say: I am here for you!
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
6. Don’t make it too simple
Depression is a mental condition that is caused by changes in neurotransmitters. It’s not a choice; you can’t force your brain to produce brain chemicals. It can only be treated by getting professional help. So avoid saying ‘cheer up’ and ‘smile’ and oversimplifying their situation.
Instead, try: Sometimes it’s ok to feel depressed, but I am always here to support you.
7. Don’t tell them it could be worse
By saying it could be worse, you are just making the individual feel that the pain they are already going through is nothing. It causes self-blame for the individuals, and they think of themselves as unworthy of treatment. Even if you are saying this with good intentions, this might only cause guilt and confusion to the person who is experiencing depression.
Instead, say: I am always here to listen.
8. Don’t show disbelief
Many people don’t look like they are struggling with mental health conditions until they share it themselves, so don’t show disbelief. Many individuals struggling with chronic mental conditions still remain invisible. So, avoid negative remarks like this.
- You don’t look like you are struggling with depression.
- You don’t look sad.
Instead, say: I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk.
9. Everyone feels sad sometimes
Depression affects your mood and brings intense sadness and hopelessness. Occasional sadness can be resolved on its own, but depression won’t go on its own.
Instead, encourage your loved ones to get professional help.
10. Cheer up! You just need a drink
It’s very natural to be sad or have bad days consecutively, but depression is something else; it’s not about you having a drink and forgetting about it. Instead, substances increase the risk of depression and other mental health problems.
Instead, say: I’m here to listen if you ever need to talk or if there’s anything I can do to help lighten your burden.
11. Don’t compare
Everyone experiences depression in a different way, some individuals have mild symptoms, and some have severe symptoms. Depression is a personal experience; you may never know how it feels until you experience it yourself, so it’s better not to compare it with others.
Instead, say: I see how hard you are trying, and I believe you. I’m here and I care for you.
12. You should go out often
Spending time alone can increase the risk of depression. However, you can’t force the other person to go out and spend time outside when they are actually down. You are not being helpful; you are just implementing what you think is right.
Instead, say: Let’s go on a walk together!, and I am here to support you.
13. It’s all in your head
Depression is a chronic mental disorder. Many people think that depression doesn’t even exist and say that it’s all in your head. However, the person who is depressed is struggling hard to manage it; it’s a long-term condition that severely impacts overall well-being. These kinds of comments make the other person accused of faking their pain.
Instead, say: It’s ok to not be ok sometimes.
14. There are people who have bigger problems than you
There are many individuals who are struggling with mental health conditions, but every person has a different experience. By comparing with others, you are making them feel guilty or worthless.
Instead, say: There is not a specific reason for depression, and I am always here for you.
15. Don’t say you seem good
Many people hide their pain and keep themselves busy with daily routine chores; they go to work, and no one knows how they are feeling inside. By saying such words won’t reduce their pain, these comments are invalidating.
Instead, help them get out of depression by giving them different ways.
16. Why are you depressed? Your life is good!
Depression can be caused by genetics, changes in brain chemicals and functions or some tragic event that happened in the past. It’s a mental health condition that severely impacts life. No one wants to be in depression by choice. So it’s better to avoid such comments.
Instead, say: I know the feeling of hopelessness is hard to manage, but it won’t last long.
17. Don’t shame them for their treatment
If any of your loved ones or friends are taking antidepressants or antipsychotics, don’t make fun of them for taking professional help. If you have any views on the medications, keep them to yourself. Put yourself in their place and think how you would feel if someone asked you that your medications are not authentic, or they won’t work out?
Instead, say: I am so delighted to know that you have started getting professional help.
In a Nutshell
Depression is a mental health disorder that won’t go away on its own; it can only be treated with the help of professional support. Many of the people around us suffer from depression alone and don’t ask for help. However, women are diagnosed more often with depression than men. If anyone around you shares their mental health conditions with you, always remain selective about your words; choose your words wisely. Sometimes our simple words can deeply hurt someone and cause misunderstandings.
Start your healing journey at Brainpower Wellness Institute
If you are trying to help a loved one who is in depression or struggling with any other mental health condition. Brainpower Wellness Institute is a great place to start. We provide evidence-based treatments with compassionate care to help you find the real you. Our team of experienced professionals provides one-to-one counseling, group therapy, and family therapy. We provide flexible telehealth and in-person treatment options.
Book your initial consultation today, and take the first step towards relief.
Note: This article is for general informational purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice.
