Have you ever felt an extreme obsession with someone who controls your mind fully?
This intense feeling is limerence; it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. However, people with ADHD experience limerence even more intensely. It causes interpersonal dynamics such as feelings for friends, mentors, coworkers, or idolizing public figures.
This article will help you understand the connection between ADHD and limerence, common symptoms and differences, how it impacts life, its causes, diagnosis, treatments, and strategies to manage it.
What is Limerence?
Limerence is an emotional state that causes intense feelings of love and attraction towards someone. People experiencing limerence have intense longing thoughts about the person they are obsessed with, and urges to be around them all the time. Individuals with limerence idealize the other person and often ignore the red flags and flaws. However, limerence is an exhausting experience as it negatively impacts the quality of life.
The connection between ADHD and limerence
Not everyone with ADHD experiences limerence, and not all individuals experiencing limerence have ADHD. Limerence causes intense feelings and unwanted thoughts towards someone they are obsessed with. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that causes issues with attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. People with ADHD and limerence have extreme emotional intensity and impulsivity towards the other person.
Here are symptoms of ADHD limerence that overlap and can be the same:
1. Hyperfocus and obsessions
Individuals tend to remain more hyper-focused on a particular thing that they like. This trait makes them think more obsessively about the person they are attracted to.
2. Dopamine Seeking
ADHD and limerence both have differences in brain chemicals, such as lower levels of dopamine, which affects pleasure and energy. However, limerence makes dopamine rush and makes the individuals fall in love quickly.
3. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
Individuals with ADHD have a fear of getting rejected and experience RSD. This makes the limerence more challenging. ADHD and limerence misinterpret the actions as rejections.
4. Emotional ups and downs:
People struggling with ADHD and limerence have trouble controlling their intrusive thoughts and emotions. Sometimes they feel extremely happy and sometimes extremely low, for someone they are obsessed with.
5. Impulsive behavior:
Individuals struggling with ADHD act impulsively without thinking about the consequences. It may further lead them to quick attachments, which is a symptom of limerence.
6. Intrusive thoughts
In this particular state, people start getting unwanted thoughts that they try to control, and these thoughts can be pictorial. These kinds of thoughts are mostly against their will, which means they are not comfortable having these thoughts, and they mostly get confused about their personalities.
7. Overwhelming desire to get attention
This accelerates the desire to get attention from anyone with no criteria of refinement, and they just fall for anyone. Even having a harmful relationship, they ignore all the flaws and try to keep that relationship alive.
8. Intense fantasies
In this, a person can deeply fantasize the desired actions so intensely that they imagine doing it live in their head, and this gives them satisfaction.
9. Mood fluctuations
It causes extreme emotional highs and lows. Sometimes they feel so delighted when a normal thing can give them extreme happiness, and on the other hand, sometimes they feel extreme sadness.
10. Trouble focusing attention
In this, people face a lack of attention in all their actions. In short, they can’t focus on their daily life routine, and they neglect important tasks.
How do ADHD and limerence impact life?
Limerence can feel intoxicating and filled with excitement, whereas ADHD causes hyperfocus and intrusive thoughts. The comorbidity of both can create chaos in personal life. Here is how they are impacting daily life.
1. Poor relationship choices
Individuals with ADHD and limerence ignore their personal values and rush to the other person, even if they are emotionally unavailable. They ignore the red flags and trust the deal breakers and become manipulated easily. Moreover, constantly giving attention and validation makes the other person irritated and pulls away.
2. Neglecting responsibilities
Individuals with ADHD and limerence often neglect their personal relationships and only focus on the limerence object. It further causes social withdrawal and difficulty managing work and studies. Individuals also neglect their personal interests and hobbies.
3. Emotional highs and lows
In this scenario, an ADHD and a limerence person get a response from their desired person, and they feel very energetic, happy, and motivated. On the other side, when they don’t get the desired response from loved ones, they feel extremely neglected and unwanted. They are very commonly in a state of fear that they will lose the relationship, so this eventually gives them chronic anxiety and frustration.
4. Trouble moving on after rejection:
People struggling with ADHD and limerence have difficulty moving on after being rejected by their desired ones. They still hope that things will settle down, even if the other person has already moved on, and this also stops them from getting into the new relationship, because they lose hope after getting rejected.
What are the causes of ADHD and limerence?
ADHD limerence is a sign of anxious attraction or attachment which can be caused by several reasons, such as childhood trauma, abuse, and neglect. In this condition, individuals crave attention, love, and healing.
People with ADHD limerence symptoms, might also have the following:
- They have desired to be loved but have difficulty believing it.
- Low self-esteem.
- A strong belief that they are not good enough.
- Excessive tries to end the relationship.
- Highly sensitive towards others’ behavior.
- Self-blame.
- Getting reassurance about oneself.
- Sensitive towards getting rejected.
- Having trouble getting away from the person they love.
How to diagnose limerence with ADHD?
Limerence is not a psychological condition, and there is no test available to diagnose it. It’s challenging to address on their own. Healthcare professionals look for the signs and symptoms of ADHD limerence and diagnose it after conducting some questionnaires. It can occur with ADHD and without ADHD as well.
How can ADHD limerence be treated?
ADHD limerence can be treated with medications and therapeutic approaches, and sometimes with a combination of both. Therapies are an effective and healthy way to reduce the symptoms.
Psychotherapies
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive behavioral therapy helps in identifying the challenges that contribute to limerence. It helps to cope with the negative, intrusive thoughts and impacts on everyday life. Through CBT, individuals learn to get balanced thoughts, which eventually reduces the intensity of limerence.
2. Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy
ERP is a subtype of Cognitive behavioral therapy that involves exposing individuals to the thoughts and images that cause intense fear and anxiety. By challenging these triggers, people overcome their anxiety and fear, which is influenced by compulsive and obsessive thoughts.
3. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT is a highly effective therapy for ADHD limerence. It helps in accepting difficult thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It helps you to understand your feelings and encourages you to prioritize your life according to your own values. It helps in reframing your own thoughts in a positive way.
4. Schema Therapy
It helps in managing the deep-rooted thoughts that play a major role in limerence. The main aim of schema therapy is to help people understand their feelings and emotions. These schema thoughts are usually developed in children. schema therapy requires a number of sessions for effective results.
Medications
ADHD and limerence are two distinct conditions, but the medications management for ADHD can also help in reducing the symptoms of limerence.
Here are some medications that can be helpful for ADHD limerence:
- Methylphenidate
- Amphetamine
- Atomoxetine
- Wellbutrin
- Sertraline
- Fluoxetine
Steps and strategies to manage ADHD limerence
Limerence is very challenging to manage, especially when it comes with ADHD. The combination of both causes emotional challenges. However, there are some steps that can help you in managing the ADHD limerence.
1. Recognizing the impact
Many individuals remain unaware that they are struggling with limerence. They don’t recognize that they are obsessed with someone until things get beyond their control, it can be a friend, a coworker, or a teacher. Limerence is a neurological aspect that makes you rush towards the person. However, recognizing these triggers and accepting it’s just a situation and it will go away.
2. Divert your mind to other activities
Distract yourself with healthy activities to overcome the obsessions caused by limerence. By making yourself busy with activities, you can replace your thoughts. Engaging yourself in writing, socializing, learning a new skill, running, or hiking by making your brain busy somewhere else can help in regulating emotions.
3. Practice mindfulness techniques
Limerence causes emotional ups and downs, which makes the individual mentally exhausted. Practicing deep breathing, exercise, and yoga can help manage stress. Journaling can also help in overcoming mental exhaustion. It processes the thoughts and reduces the anxiety caused by limerence.
4. Set Boundaries
ADHD limerence makes you feel drained; setting boundaries can help in managing your mental exhaustion. Creating limitations in your life can help you overcome obsessive and intrusive thoughts, such as limiting interaction with people, reducing screen exposure, and creating a physical distance.
5. Seek external support
If the symptoms of limerence ADHD make you feel overwhelmed, talk to a healthcare professional. A therapist can help you by providing guidance and also help you develop coping mechanisms. Joining a support group and ADHD coaching can also help; meeting individuals who are suffering from the same mental health condition can help you manage the challenges more easily.
6. Embrace self-love
You are valuable and perfect the way you are! Focus on your own self, you are worthy of everything. Meet people who are healthy for your mental health who praise, appreciate, and respect you. Focus on your self-growth by learning new techniques that can fulfil and secure your identity.
Achieve emotional freedom at Brain Power Wellness Institute
If you are experiencing intrusive thoughts and struggling to manage ADHD limerence, Brain Power Wellness Institute is here to help. We have a team of experts who provide evidence-based therapies and medications to embrace emotional and psychological balance. We provide personalized treatments tailored to your unique conditions and severity. We create a safe, non-judgmental environment where you can talk about your feelings and emotions without the fear of judgment. We are committed to helping you by providing excellent care.
Final thoughts
ADHD and limerence are two separate conditions that make you emotionally drained and exhausted. It can impact your personal and professional quality of life. However, these are not flaws; they’re just psychological experiences that can be managed with the help of medications, therapies, and strategies. People with limerence and ADHD have a fear of rejection, hyperfocus, obsessiveness, and differences in dopamine levels. If you are experiencing the symptoms of ADHD and limerence, discuss your concerns with an ADHD specialist.
